I added an asterisk
Why an *?
The asterisk is an interesting punctuation. The word “asterisk” comes from the ancient Greek word asteriskos, which means “little star”. I’m passionate about astronomy, and hold a special place for neutron stars because they exist at the very edge of reality due to the exotically high mass they force into a very small space, making them the most dense objects in the universe. If two neutron stars collide, or if a neutron star acquires too much mass, they can collapse into black holes which at least in part exist beyond our plane of existence entirely. In astrophysics, asterisks are used to denote excited states of atoms. As such, an asterisk is part of the official name of the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy, Sagittarius A*. I think of the asterisk as denoting an excited state of being, but instead of describing atoms, it describes my excitement in existing as a way for the universe to experience itself.
The asterisk also symbolizes an internal battle. For many years I struggled with extreme self negativity. I thought of myself as being weak and ineffective at anything I attempted, even though by most any metric this was obviously not true. At the height of this self loathing, anything I had a hand in I felt was tainted because I was involved. “I participated, so it’s tainted” was the poison I fed myself. I thought discussing my work, or almost anything about myself, was a waste of time because it was about me. It was like an asterisk was held over everything I made, said, or participated in because I was involved. I viewed myself as dead weight until proven otherwise. Obviously this is an awful way to think of yourself and your endeavors. As I improved and broadened my perspective, I chose to embrace the asterisk and use it to identify myself and my work. Making what used to be a sign of failure that needed correction into something that denotes an energized outlook is resulting in a better relationship with the personal nature of the images I create and my mental health*
